A Matriarch ~ 99 years strong
Our Archie.
Archie is the Sinhalese reference for Grandmother. Her name was Kandauda Liyanage Alawathie Perera. Born and raised by Sri Lankan migrant parents (known as Martin & Jane — so fancy I know haha) in Sentul, KL.
She was well known by everyone around her for being the most patient, loving and sweet person throughout her lifetime. Not forgetting her impeccable memory until almost the very end. She could remember faces and names, sometimes even better than the rest of us.
From stories, we know she grew up helping her mother (who lived until the grand age of 105 btw) prepare and sell appa, tosai and other breakfast food. We know she went to school until she was 12 which wasn’t a very common luxury for girls those days. She was the 8th out of 9 children and the youngest daughter.
She was married at the age of 13 to my grandfather who was 19 years her senior. No questions asked, she took on the role of wife and mother at a young age and to this day I wonder if she ever felt that “true love” we talk about in this modern age. She had her first child at the age of 16 after two miscarriages and went on to have 6 more children (all together 5 girls and 2 boys). She had my mother, her youngest child, at the age of 40.
Her 7 children gave her 21 grandchildren and 31 great grandchildren.
After getting married, my grandparents started their lives in Singapore as that’s where my grandfather resided (side story — He left Sri Lanka at the age of 19 and jumped on a ship heading straight to Singapore). During WW2, they had to flee the country with only the clothes on their back due to the bombings. They made their way back to KL with their 2 young daughters in tow. There was even a time when she had to take care of the family with the help of her mother, when my grandfather decided to take up a job as a tailor for the Japanese soldiers on the Death Railway. Fun fact, she sewed all her children’s clothes.
She was a simple person whose life was filled with love and resilience. When we were tiny humans, she took care of us (her last 6 grandchildren) as best she could. Fried fish and Bovril were her go-to because we loved it. She always loved cooking for her family and she was definitely your typical grandma who would force feed you if you came to her house and tried to leave without eating. Some of her signature dishes were appa, chicken curry, mutton curry, fish curry, seeni sambol and many more! Fun facts, my grandfather taught her how to cook and she cooked until the age of 97.
Growing up, she always fed us, asked about our lives and never failed to tell us to take care of ourselves. She was a matriarch. The glue that brought our BIG family together during gatherings especially all her birthdays.
As she was growing older, my family visited her as much as we could. We saw her age gracefully through that time, not knowing whether each visit would be our last. Some of her favourite things to do were reading the newspapers and watching her favourite Tamil drama series.
Over the years, she had lived with both her sons and with my family from time to time. Multiple helpers came and left. However, with the difficulties of the Covid-19 pandemic we were not able to hire a replacement helper in time, thus my parents had decided to bring her back to our home again to look after her.
It was an honour to have her living with us but I’m not going to sugarcoat it because the reality was that the last 4 months were the toughest for us in every sense of the word. Taking care of a 99 year old is no walk in the park. Witnessing her age right in front of our eyes was a whole different experience than visiting once a week. I would see her just sit there in her silence. I wondered what it must be like to be 99. It seemed pretty lonely.
My mother, the superwoman even with her knee pains gave up her bed and her daily routines, to take care of Archie for the last 4 months. My father, my mother’s rock, who tirelessly tended to Archie’s every quirk and lifted her many times a day as she was barely able to stand or lie down on her own. My mother needed us and so we pulled together. My brother and I helped out however and whenever we could.
From helping her walk to lifting her. From bathing to tending to her every need whenever she called. The many times I had to pause work meetings because she wanted the potty or just wanted to know the time. It was full circle for me when I fed her just like how she used to feed me when I was little. I’m just grateful that I was part of a company that was so understanding of situations like this even when there were tight deadlines and we had to bring her to the hospital. Thank you.
The last couple of weeks leading up to her final rest were the hardest. She wasn’t really sleeping, she was in pain, thus always having to lie down and sit up multiple times with our help and towards the end, it was getting hard to even feed her. We finally managed to find someone who was available to look after her, and quickly made the arrangements for her to return to my uncle’s home, to her own bed that she was missing.
Timing was everything that morning. My parents made the decision to send her home earlier at 9.30am rather than originally planned at 3pm due to the change in her breathing. I arranged for the ambulance, we reached around 10.40am, her blood oxygen levels dropping significantly. At around 12.52pm, she left this world peacefully surrounded by some of her children and grandchildren. It was what she wanted. To pass in her home, on her bed and surrounded by her family.
Archie, we know you’re in a better place now. No suffering, finally at peace.
We love you ❤
